#IWillMarryWhenIMarry SERIES 1
"Now that you're done with your university education, when are we coming to eat rice?"
"Your younger ones are already having children, do you want their children to call you uncle/aunty?"
"You have a good job, you're comfortable. What else are you waiting for?"
"You know, you're not yet a responsible man."
"Ah, no one will respect you till you're under a man."
Growing up, I heard these and many more questions asked of 'uncles' and 'aunties'. They meant nothing to me at the time. Weddings for me, were a time to get dressed, look pretty, jump in the car and get driven to the venue to see Uncle A dressed in black suit and Aunty Z walk down the aisle in white flowing gown to meet him. Then the rice and drinks that follow and the cake. The cake! If it was a member of the family or someone close, we would get a bigger chunk of the cake at home. I have always been a sweet tooth. I loved weddings!
Those years of 'innocence' are long past me now and them questions mean much more to me than rice, drinks and cake. On a daily basis, the news is awash with drama from divorce courts and death or maiming arising from marriages.
When I started writing this, I had a huge rush of emotions. I could not properly put down what I had in my head, so I paused, to continue some other time when I was better composed. A friend happened to be online, I told him about the 'block' I had writing an article and he asked what I was writing about. I told him. A conversation started which really helped me to get this put together.
It's no longer news that marriage breakdown is a global phenomenon. I am of the opinion that the society is not helping matters as some people fall under the pressure to get married, when they're either not ready to get married, or don't know why they should get married, or both, and many other reasons. My friend saw it from the point of view that it was solely a problem with individuals. He asked me why a person would pass through a university for a minimum of four years and still will not be able to withstand pressure and go with their decision.
In these issues, yes, the society carries some blame while the individual is responsible also. This first part of the series addresses some of society's responsibilities.
In some parts of the world, so much emphasis is not placed on marriage; when one gets married, who they marry or even how they get married. People make their decisions on marriage based on when they're ready and when they meet the one they believe they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Yes, every society has a degree of pressure it exerts on individuals, some are just more than others. Some parents have so drummed it in the ears of their children to get married, that whatever achievements those children have under their sleeves mean absolutely nothing till they have the 'ultimate achievement'.
"Why should I get married?" That's a question that requires a honest answer. Maybe when we know the true purpose of marriage, we would be better equipped to guide people as they prepare for marriage.
I know this post has the potential to portray me as anti-marriage. To those who would go that route, I'll just say, you have absolutely no idea. This is not about me, it's born out of a genuine desire to see less marriages crashing and less deaths and incapacitation occurring in marriages. I'll like to hear from you. I'll take this deeper as the series progresses.
"Your younger ones are already having children, do you want their children to call you uncle/aunty?""You have a good job, you're comfortable. What else are you waiting for?"
"You know, you're not yet a responsible man."
"Ah, no one will respect you till you're under a man."
Growing up, I heard these and many more questions asked of 'uncles' and 'aunties'. They meant nothing to me at the time. Weddings for me, were a time to get dressed, look pretty, jump in the car and get driven to the venue to see Uncle A dressed in black suit and Aunty Z walk down the aisle in white flowing gown to meet him. Then the rice and drinks that follow and the cake. The cake! If it was a member of the family or someone close, we would get a bigger chunk of the cake at home. I have always been a sweet tooth. I loved weddings!
Those years of 'innocence' are long past me now and them questions mean much more to me than rice, drinks and cake. On a daily basis, the news is awash with drama from divorce courts and death or maiming arising from marriages.
When I started writing this, I had a huge rush of emotions. I could not properly put down what I had in my head, so I paused, to continue some other time when I was better composed. A friend happened to be online, I told him about the 'block' I had writing an article and he asked what I was writing about. I told him. A conversation started which really helped me to get this put together.
It's no longer news that marriage breakdown is a global phenomenon. I am of the opinion that the society is not helping matters as some people fall under the pressure to get married, when they're either not ready to get married, or don't know why they should get married, or both, and many other reasons. My friend saw it from the point of view that it was solely a problem with individuals. He asked me why a person would pass through a university for a minimum of four years and still will not be able to withstand pressure and go with their decision. In these issues, yes, the society carries some blame while the individual is responsible also. This first part of the series addresses some of society's responsibilities.
In some parts of the world, so much emphasis is not placed on marriage; when one gets married, who they marry or even how they get married. People make their decisions on marriage based on when they're ready and when they meet the one they believe they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Yes, every society has a degree of pressure it exerts on individuals, some are just more than others. Some parents have so drummed it in the ears of their children to get married, that whatever achievements those children have under their sleeves mean absolutely nothing till they have the 'ultimate achievement'.
"Why should I get married?" That's a question that requires a honest answer. Maybe when we know the true purpose of marriage, we would be better equipped to guide people as they prepare for marriage.
I know this post has the potential to portray me as anti-marriage. To those who would go that route, I'll just say, you have absolutely no idea. This is not about me, it's born out of a genuine desire to see less marriages crashing and less deaths and incapacitation occurring in marriages. I'll like to hear from you. I'll take this deeper as the series progresses.
Photo credit: Google images
Like the saying goes, if the purpose of a thing is unknown, abuse is inevitable. So while we can't deny the pressure from different quarters, answering the big question of why we we marry is very important. I'll definitely follow this series. I need to hear from people. And yes, I'll share my views on marriage as well (albeit JJC-ish...lol).
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to your views Faith. No knowledge is insignificant.
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