CONVERSATIONS IN MY HEAD - DIARY FOURTEEN

"Ara, what makes someone a failure?" I asked as I drove towards the mall. Many thoughts had been assailing me in the past couple of days. From feelings of personal disappointment, to concern for friends, acquaintances and random stories I had read.

"It's a mind thing. No one is perfect. No one hits it right all the time, but what you do with those down times is the difference between failing and being a failure." Ara responded. 

"So how does one handle the pressure of societal and even family expectations? You try a venture or some ventures, they don't work out and you're called a failure."


"If you feel like a failure, you permitted the thought. You decided to place that burden on yourself. If, you don't call yourself a failure, no matter how many times you have failed, you are not a failure."

"Makes sense. Let me share something I penned with you."

"Let's hear it"  

"I'm 'FiyinfOlu and I've failed before. I've failed exams but didn't stay a failure. Shook up, reorganized, took them again and I'm here today! They were not all easy to rewrite nor restudy for. Each failed exam was an added bag to the next semester and in a couple cases, sessions after. I didn't see why I had to fail, having put in what was required and even 'tutored' colleagues in some cases. My pillow faithfully soaked my tears in my 'me moments' when it was the only one closest to me. But that taught me that life is not always an expressway. There are speed breakers and caution signs along the highway of life. Refired, I went at them with determination. The story today is 'I overcame'.

I'm 'FiyinfOlu and I've failed before. I've failed friends. I haven't always been perfect, infact, never been perfect. I've tried to say the right things always, be there at all times and in all things, act right and be 'the best friend'. I really wish I could say I've been all that but I'm only human, therefore I falter. But I didn't stay 'bad', I went after, again, some of the relationships. That taught me that you can't be superhuman. And . . . only God is perfect!

I'm 'FiyinfOlu and I've failed before. I've failed in love. Like a butterfly fluttering in a bush of roses, I have smelt the sweetness of the flowers but also got my wings caught in the thorns. I have had my feelings hurt, hurt 'their' feelings but I haven't stayed there. I am healing and moving on, finding love in the right place!

I'm 'FiyinfOlu and I've failed before. I've failed as a daughter. Both as a biological daughter and a daughter of The Most High. I wish I could say my slate on both grounds are clean and have been acquiring stars. But I haven't remained there. I've made both proud of me. The low moments come but then who doesn't have such times?

I'm 'FiyinfOlu and I've failed before. But I haven't stayed a failure. Like the wounds of an Oyster, my shortfalls have become and are becoming my pearls.

I'm 'FiyinfOlu and I'm on my way to the top!"