Musing; Who Raised These Devils Part 2
The first part of this article can be accessed here.
While thinking about those hellish children that bully other children, sometimes to death, I cringe to think some of them are here seated with us today. Some have become parents themselves, some, grandparents. Some of them are the mothers in law from hell we have today. Should we be surprised? They were children from hell to start with. Some of them are our leaders today. If their minds could conceptualize such evils as children, imagine what they will unleash now as adults. Why will they feel bad today, knowing that they are diverting resources that could have made thousands of lives better? Why are we surprised that they put other people’s children in the line of fire and send theirs to fortresses? Why are we surprised people kill their spouses in gruesome ways? You see, they enjoy the pain of others, so they’re only having a fun time. Some of you have donated such terrors to the community, to the society, to the world. Should we be thanking you or have you tied to a stake and throw stones at you every time we feel the pain of their actions?
Parenting is hard work. Parenting is not easy. No one has said it has. Some women have birthed their children and put them on garbage heaps, or as happened recently, fed them to a dog. Where they got the heart, I wonder. Some men simply donated sperm and didn’t look back. To these ones, we need not even address you, just know that karma knows your DNA and can pick you out of a gazillion people. But to those that have chosen to be parents indeed, please, I beg of you, put in a little extra effort. Forget your own negative experiences, do not transfer them on your children. This thing is a cycle you see. Read books on child psychology, emotional intelligence, human development and the likes. We all clamor and desire a better society. We should all be responsible for it. We all are responsible for it. We will all be responsible for it.
Come closer. Have you deeply considered that the foundation of every society is the family? Fine. We want a society that’s all that, yet, we are not ready to do the work, it won’t drop in our laps o. We’re raising children who do not love themselves, who don’t know how to show love to others, yet we expect them to become adults and magically have these attributes and be able to empathize? It won’t happen. We will continue to rant till the end of time and still be at the same spot.
When was the last time you told your child you love them? When was the last time they had your shoulder to cry on? When was the last time you hugged them, just because? When was the last time you told them they’re your all time champ? Oh, you said your children are grown up now. But you’re still their parent right? Do you know that grown up daughter of yours just barked at her subordinate in the office because she’s frustrated with her life? She’s been bearing so much from her childhood she does not even realize, so she’s always touchy and angry at everyone and everything. She’s only working as hard as she is, to prove to herself she isn’t completely worthless. Do you know that grown up son of yours has a string of women he’s casually having sex with because he can’t commit to one? He’s afraid they will up and leave him once they get their hands on his money. His real problem is that he hasn’t been able to form a bond with anyone special. He puts distance between him and anyone that dares come close, as such, he easily detaches himself and moves on to the next.
Dear parent, I understand your pain too, I feel your inhibitions. You seek the same thing your child seeks. How can you give what you don’t have? I completely understand. What you need to do is work on yourself. Unlearn some learned behaviour and responses and learn new ones. I know I had to consciously work on being comfortable with hugging guys, I’m not at a convenient point yet, but I’m working hard at it. Read. I can’t stress that enough. Socialize more, with the right people. Look around, spot people doing better than you in the emotional intelligence area and hang out more with them. Your relationship with your children may just get a boost or a healing. When they’re happier, they would respond better to their environment. Now imagine what will happen in a few short years if we will spread out like this.
Strive to understand your children. That’s another thread I saw running through my discussions. At different ages, children feel misunderstood by their parents. Instead of simply writing off their ideas and opinion, sit with them and reason with them. They have a reason for everything they’re doing or plan to do, just like you do too. They have a functioning brain and a sound mind, allow them develop it and exercise it. Draw them close, you can learn from them. See African parent eye. Yes, I caught that look, but that’s the truth. You can learn from your child if you’re open to it. Remember, they’re exposed to a different set of experiences than you were, they have the advantage of technology. They know better, smarter ways to do the same thing you will break your back doing. Forget the rhetoric of “I’m your parent, I know more than you”, and learn with them. That way, you know when they pick up ideas and opinion that are wrong and need to be lovingly addressed.
I can’t cite all the examples I have garnered over time. I can’t bring to fore all the points raised, but I have highlighted those that seem to be at the base of all the issues. As we try, as we put in more effort, may we see fruits. May our society be better off for it.
Let’s pass the cake round now.
While thinking about those hellish children that bully other children, sometimes to death, I cringe to think some of them are here seated with us today. Some have become parents themselves, some, grandparents. Some of them are the mothers in law from hell we have today. Should we be surprised? They were children from hell to start with. Some of them are our leaders today. If their minds could conceptualize such evils as children, imagine what they will unleash now as adults. Why will they feel bad today, knowing that they are diverting resources that could have made thousands of lives better? Why are we surprised that they put other people’s children in the line of fire and send theirs to fortresses? Why are we surprised people kill their spouses in gruesome ways? You see, they enjoy the pain of others, so they’re only having a fun time. Some of you have donated such terrors to the community, to the society, to the world. Should we be thanking you or have you tied to a stake and throw stones at you every time we feel the pain of their actions?
Parenting is hard work. Parenting is not easy. No one has said it has. Some women have birthed their children and put them on garbage heaps, or as happened recently, fed them to a dog. Where they got the heart, I wonder. Some men simply donated sperm and didn’t look back. To these ones, we need not even address you, just know that karma knows your DNA and can pick you out of a gazillion people. But to those that have chosen to be parents indeed, please, I beg of you, put in a little extra effort. Forget your own negative experiences, do not transfer them on your children. This thing is a cycle you see. Read books on child psychology, emotional intelligence, human development and the likes. We all clamor and desire a better society. We should all be responsible for it. We all are responsible for it. We will all be responsible for it.
Come closer. Have you deeply considered that the foundation of every society is the family? Fine. We want a society that’s all that, yet, we are not ready to do the work, it won’t drop in our laps o. We’re raising children who do not love themselves, who don’t know how to show love to others, yet we expect them to become adults and magically have these attributes and be able to empathize? It won’t happen. We will continue to rant till the end of time and still be at the same spot.
When was the last time you told your child you love them? When was the last time they had your shoulder to cry on? When was the last time you hugged them, just because? When was the last time you told them they’re your all time champ? Oh, you said your children are grown up now. But you’re still their parent right? Do you know that grown up daughter of yours just barked at her subordinate in the office because she’s frustrated with her life? She’s been bearing so much from her childhood she does not even realize, so she’s always touchy and angry at everyone and everything. She’s only working as hard as she is, to prove to herself she isn’t completely worthless. Do you know that grown up son of yours has a string of women he’s casually having sex with because he can’t commit to one? He’s afraid they will up and leave him once they get their hands on his money. His real problem is that he hasn’t been able to form a bond with anyone special. He puts distance between him and anyone that dares come close, as such, he easily detaches himself and moves on to the next.
Dear parent, I understand your pain too, I feel your inhibitions. You seek the same thing your child seeks. How can you give what you don’t have? I completely understand. What you need to do is work on yourself. Unlearn some learned behaviour and responses and learn new ones. I know I had to consciously work on being comfortable with hugging guys, I’m not at a convenient point yet, but I’m working hard at it. Read. I can’t stress that enough. Socialize more, with the right people. Look around, spot people doing better than you in the emotional intelligence area and hang out more with them. Your relationship with your children may just get a boost or a healing. When they’re happier, they would respond better to their environment. Now imagine what will happen in a few short years if we will spread out like this.
Strive to understand your children. That’s another thread I saw running through my discussions. At different ages, children feel misunderstood by their parents. Instead of simply writing off their ideas and opinion, sit with them and reason with them. They have a reason for everything they’re doing or plan to do, just like you do too. They have a functioning brain and a sound mind, allow them develop it and exercise it. Draw them close, you can learn from them. See African parent eye. Yes, I caught that look, but that’s the truth. You can learn from your child if you’re open to it. Remember, they’re exposed to a different set of experiences than you were, they have the advantage of technology. They know better, smarter ways to do the same thing you will break your back doing. Forget the rhetoric of “I’m your parent, I know more than you”, and learn with them. That way, you know when they pick up ideas and opinion that are wrong and need to be lovingly addressed.
I can’t cite all the examples I have garnered over time. I can’t bring to fore all the points raised, but I have highlighted those that seem to be at the base of all the issues. As we try, as we put in more effort, may we see fruits. May our society be better off for it.
Let’s pass the cake round now.
Images: Google
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