Musing; Understand What It Really Is

I have always known rape exists. I have always known child molestation exists. What I did not realize is, how common and frequent it is. In the past couple of days, I've been reading real life experiences of women and men, yes, men, who were molested as toddlers, kids and even as adults and they have been tearing my heart apart, every story I've read. I'll be taking some time to write on this menace. I believe this is a good time as any, seeing as the kids are home on holiday and it's a more vulnerable time for them.

What exactly is child molestation? According to The Free Dictionary, "child molestation is a crime involving a range of indecent or sexual activities between an adult and a child, usually under the age of 14. In psychiatric terms, these acts are sometimes known as pedophilia. It is important, however, to keep in mind that child molestation and child Sexual Abuse refer to specific, legally defined actions. They do not necessarily imply that the perpetrator bears a particular psychological makeup or motive. For example, not all incidents of child molestation are perpetrated by pedophiles; sometimes the perpetrator has other motives for his or her actions and does not manifest an ongoing pattern of sexual attraction to children. Thus, not all child molestation is perpetrated by pedophiles, and not all pedophiles actually commit child molestation." 


A child usually does not even know that they're being molested. Some, 5 years and above, have a feeling that what's happening to them is not right, but they really cannot put their finger on what's wrong. Such that, even if they were to report, they may not be able to coherently put across what happened to them. At this point, I'll say, parents, educate your child on sex, right from the home. Don't wait for them to learn it outside. It may be too late. Watch how you play with them too, so their mind isn't confused on what is appropriate touch and what is not. I have seen some moms and dads even, tickle their toddlers and kids on the nipples. Some grab/twist/squeeze their kid's nipples because they have found that it tickles the child. If someone else touches them there, they will see it as play still. Lip on lip kissing should be discouraged. As much as it's you to your child, you may be setting them up for molestation later. Innocently, they may kiss someone else on the mouth and if that one already has a warped mind, they take it as an invitation. Trying to explain to them that you can kiss them and someone else cannot, may confuse the child. Please, dump it totally. There are other ways to play with your child and show them you love them, without ultimately exposing them to danger.

I mentioned sex education earlier. I know some may be asking how to go about that. I found a 
helpful explanation on aboutkidshealth.ca. 

When talking to your kids about sex, make sure the conversation is age-appropriate. Explain things in a way that your child can understand, given their age. Don’t think you have to cover everything at once. Younger kids are interested in pregnancy and babies, rather than the act of sex. Every child is different, but here is a rough guide to what children should be able to understand about sex and reproduction at different ages.

Infancy: Up to two years 
Toddlers should be able to name all the body parts including the genitals.  
Most two-year-olds know the difference between male and female, and can usually figure out if a person is male or female. 

Early childhood: Two to five years old
Children should understand the very basics of reproduction: a man and a woman make a baby together, and the baby grows in the woman’s uterus. 
Children should understand their body is their own. Teach them about privacy around body issues. They should know other people can touch them in some ways but not other ways. 

Middle childhood: Five to eight years old
Children should have a basic understanding that some people are heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. They should also know what the role of sexuality is in relationships. 
Children should know about the basic social conventions of privacy, nudity, and respect for others in relationships. 
Children should be taught the basics about puberty towards the end of this age span, as a number of children will experience some pubertal development before age 10. 
Children’s understanding of human reproduction​ should continue. This may include the role of sexual intercourse. 

Tween years: Nine to 12 years old
In addition to reinforcing all the things above they have already learned, tweens should be taught about safer sex and contraception. 
Tweens should understand what makes a positive relationship and what makes for a bad one. 
Tweens should also learn to judge whether depictions of sex and sexuality in the media are true or false, realistic or not, and whether they are positive or negative. 

Teenagers: 13 to 18 years old
Teens are generally very private people. However, if parents have spoken to their child early about sex, it increases the chance that teens will approach parents when difficult or dangerous things come up. 

In coming days, I will explore further on this very broad subject. What is rape? What cases are considered rape? What are the types of rape? How can children be taught to protect themselves against molesters? Seeking help in cases of molestation/rape. Teaching your child to speak up. Reading their body language. These and more are issues to be expanded on.

Meanwhile, keep your eyes and ears open. If you feel something is not right, check it out. Better be safe than sorry.

Credits: aboutkidshealth.ca, The Free Dictionary, Google images