Musing; Domestic Abuse and The Man
Women suffering from or have suffered from domestic abuse abound in our societies. Some have lived to tell their stories, others have had theirs told after their demise. Domestic abuse, in whatever form it takes, is not excusable. Why should, or would, someone subject the other to inhuman treatment, just because they can?
Someone that abuses the other, physically, emotionally, psychologically, economically, or in all the ways rolled in one, simply shouts out to the world that they have a problem with themselves. In order for them to feel right about themselves, they need to lash out at someone. This someone is usually their spouse.
As much as there's talk out there about women being victims of domestic abuse, little attention is paid to men who are victims. Believe it or not, there are men who have suffered or who suffer from domestic abuse. It is usually an unbelievable concept because when we think of domestic abuse, we think of it in the physical terms. Generally, men are stronger and bigger than women, so we think, "how is it even possible that such a frail woman beat you up?" I have news for you. Apart from it being very possible for a woman to beat up a man (I've heard some true life examples), she could kill him in some other ways.
A very common but mostly overlooked example is nagging. Do we even consider nagging as abuse? I looked up the dictionary and webtionary definitions of nagging. These are what I found.
". . .(of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something".
"Nagging by spouses is a frequent marital complaint. Psychotherapists such as Edward S. Dean have reported that individuals who nag are often 'weak, insecure, and fearful ... their nagging disguise a basic feeling of weakness and provides an illusion of power and superiority'".
I'm particularly drawn to the term 'constantly harassing'. Imagine someone being subjected to constant battery of words from another. If they don't end up having anger issues, they become violent or simply withdraw. Psychologically, they're being abused.
When a woman tunes off her spouse, she shuts him out of her life. What makes a marriage so special and different from other casual relationships? I'ld like to think it's the emotional attachment the couple shares, amongst other things. You have decided to share your life with this one person, open up to them, be vulnerable with them, yet, they turn out cold and unfeeling towards you.
Now, I know there may be some prior reason for the woman to tune her spouse out, but some others just don't do emotions. They are ice-queens. I think such women should not get married till they 'thaw' and can connect with their emotional side. It isn't fair to subject another human being to such a kind of life. Some women withhold sex from their spouses just because they hate it. They believe sex is just for baby making, and anything outside of that is met with a strong brass barrier. Fear God o! What do you expect your man to do? Men in such situations are broken down emotionally and even psychologically. If they're God-fearing and would not opt to cheat on their ice cold partners, they are subjected to an unhappy life. That is no way for any one to live.
And of course, there's the physical aspect. Some sisters are strong like that! They can beat up a roomful of basketball playing men and it would seem like recreation to them. Some of them don't even look it - they don't have bulging biceps nor rippling muscles. If they happen to get pissed off by their spouse, tossing him over their shoulder would be no feat.
If women are secretive about domestic abuse, men are stone quiet about it. I mean, that isn't an average hang-out-time discussion. No man will just blurt out "hey, my wife beats me" or, "I'm a victim of domestic abuse". Apart from probably not being believed, he would be laughed to scorn by fellow men. Where do such men get support? Where can they turn to for help? There are many NGOs and other humanitarian organizations that provide support for the women, who defends the men?
I feel for women in abusive relationships. I understand how it feels, believe me I do. But much more, I feel for the men. So much is expected of them and from them, that they're struggling to measure up to in the first place. Add being abused to that? It isn't a cool place to be.
Final Thought On This
Can we just learn to live together peacefully? Respecting each other and loving each other as we should? No one should be subject to abuse. Please, stop the cycle. Break the chain.
Someone that abuses the other, physically, emotionally, psychologically, economically, or in all the ways rolled in one, simply shouts out to the world that they have a problem with themselves. In order for them to feel right about themselves, they need to lash out at someone. This someone is usually their spouse.
As much as there's talk out there about women being victims of domestic abuse, little attention is paid to men who are victims. Believe it or not, there are men who have suffered or who suffer from domestic abuse. It is usually an unbelievable concept because when we think of domestic abuse, we think of it in the physical terms. Generally, men are stronger and bigger than women, so we think, "how is it even possible that such a frail woman beat you up?" I have news for you. Apart from it being very possible for a woman to beat up a man (I've heard some true life examples), she could kill him in some other ways.
A very common but mostly overlooked example is nagging. Do we even consider nagging as abuse? I looked up the dictionary and webtionary definitions of nagging. These are what I found.
". . .(of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something".
"Nagging by spouses is a frequent marital complaint. Psychotherapists such as Edward S. Dean have reported that individuals who nag are often 'weak, insecure, and fearful ... their nagging disguise a basic feeling of weakness and provides an illusion of power and superiority'".
I'm particularly drawn to the term 'constantly harassing'. Imagine someone being subjected to constant battery of words from another. If they don't end up having anger issues, they become violent or simply withdraw. Psychologically, they're being abused.
When a woman tunes off her spouse, she shuts him out of her life. What makes a marriage so special and different from other casual relationships? I'ld like to think it's the emotional attachment the couple shares, amongst other things. You have decided to share your life with this one person, open up to them, be vulnerable with them, yet, they turn out cold and unfeeling towards you.
Now, I know there may be some prior reason for the woman to tune her spouse out, but some others just don't do emotions. They are ice-queens. I think such women should not get married till they 'thaw' and can connect with their emotional side. It isn't fair to subject another human being to such a kind of life. Some women withhold sex from their spouses just because they hate it. They believe sex is just for baby making, and anything outside of that is met with a strong brass barrier. Fear God o! What do you expect your man to do? Men in such situations are broken down emotionally and even psychologically. If they're God-fearing and would not opt to cheat on their ice cold partners, they are subjected to an unhappy life. That is no way for any one to live.
And of course, there's the physical aspect. Some sisters are strong like that! They can beat up a roomful of basketball playing men and it would seem like recreation to them. Some of them don't even look it - they don't have bulging biceps nor rippling muscles. If they happen to get pissed off by their spouse, tossing him over their shoulder would be no feat.
If women are secretive about domestic abuse, men are stone quiet about it. I mean, that isn't an average hang-out-time discussion. No man will just blurt out "hey, my wife beats me" or, "I'm a victim of domestic abuse". Apart from probably not being believed, he would be laughed to scorn by fellow men. Where do such men get support? Where can they turn to for help? There are many NGOs and other humanitarian organizations that provide support for the women, who defends the men?
I feel for women in abusive relationships. I understand how it feels, believe me I do. But much more, I feel for the men. So much is expected of them and from them, that they're struggling to measure up to in the first place. Add being abused to that? It isn't a cool place to be.
Final Thought On This
Can we just learn to live together peacefully? Respecting each other and loving each other as we should? No one should be subject to abuse. Please, stop the cycle. Break the chain.
Images: Google
Comments
Post a Comment