CONVERSATIONS IN MY HEAD - DIARY ELEVEN

When I saw this pictures, I did a fist pump in the air. Ara was laughing hysterically. He looked at me and laughed again. I smiled. I could understand why he was laughing so hard.
"Get a grip man", I said, gently giving him an elbow poke. 
"I'm trying", he replied, wiping tears off his face. He had laughed that hard. "The look on that girl's face is epic. The poor lil 'un did not know that while savouring her yoghurt, someone had taken her picture and would make it into a meme."

"Ara, I'm sure you've heard people scream 'oh, you've grown bigger!' at people they have not seen in a while, as though it is a new form of greeting. It irks me. Whatever a person chooses to look like, leave them be!"
"Seriously? You're saying that in Africa, as an African? In an area where being chubby is natural but is daily fought? Where the men, deep down like their women plus size but would ogle pictures of skinny models from the other side of the world?"
"Yes. In that Africa, as that African. We need to stop making people feel uncomfortable in their skin. I grew with that, so I know what it feels like. I did not begin to accept my body till much later in life. At some point, I was really conflicted on what I should look like, or was expected to look like."
"Why? Who was wearing your skin for you?"
"Too many people! I had this particular friends, who, whenever he saw me always exclaimed that I had grown bigger. We were in college together, so you can imagine how many times I heard that in a week. I started feeling like I was a daily inflating balloon, if what he was saying was true. Meanwhile, some others saw me and commented on 'how well' I looked because I had lost weight. Can you imagine my confusion, when I saw these set of people just minutes apart? I couldn't wrap my head around it. Plus, my mirror was saying something different!"
"Oh my days!" Ara was laughing again. "So, how did you find a balance?"
"I went with my mirror. At some point, I drastically dropped about 3 dress sizes. I didn't like what I looked like. But, today, I allow my mirror and my dress size be the judge. I look at myself and totally love what I see. I give myself a hug and commend me for what I look like."
"Hmn, good for you. Not all people, especially African women, get to that point. They're always yo-yoing with their weight, which is very dangerous to their health."
"You can say that again Ara. Why are we so cruel to ourselves? Why do we choose to make someone else sad and insecure?"
"Well, I'll say anyone that feels insecure about what others think is not emotionally strong."
"I strongly disagree with you. It is not always about being emotional strength. We trust family and friends judgement, don't we? What they choose to do with the trust we have put in them lies with them. Some of these people that comment, themselves, may be bigger than the person they're talking to. It beats me how people choose to make another person's business theirs."
"You know there are ladies who modify what they look like for the men in their lives? They date this and he likes buxom women, so they work at filling out for him. Then that relationship ends and the next wants them skinny, they begin to go to extreme lengths to fit into his desire."
"What I would say to these women is not to kill themselves. Have you asked that man to get rid of his potbelly and he worked on it? Have to asked him to do something, anything, about his receding hairline? Aren't you afraid his trouser would burst open due to the smugness around his buttom area? Did he hit the gym for you? Women, especially need to accept themselves and love their bodies. If a man comes to me, as a size 14, he should accept me wholly or keep moving. Don't come to me and ask me to become a size 8, go for someone that looks like that already."
"She's spitting tough!"
"If you say so", I stuck out my tongue at Ara. "I think those that make having an opinion about others and sitting on their case, should back off and go grow a garden. You need a creative area to exert all that energy. Not all plus sized or chubby people got there from food. There are varying reasons for size and weight and everyone will not bear a tag explaining why they look the way they look. When that garden blossoms, remember to send me a bouquet."
Ara went into another fit of laughter.