The Art of Effective Listening

Most of us are bad listeners, most of the time. We're too busy to listen properly; we think we know what the problem is and we're already preparing our answer. We want to avoid boredom.

Listening is an art that when done well delivers tremendous benefits. The goal of listening well is to achieve win-win communication. Win-win communication not only fosters understanding, affirmation, validation and appreciation, but it also creates an atmosphere of trust, honor and respect. When someone truly listens to you, don't you feel special? 

Ignoring is when we don't hear at all, while pretend listening is when our attention is elsewhere. Checking our phone or computer while someone is trying to talk to us means we can't see the expression on the other person's face, which is full of clues on the importance of what is being said.

Recent neuropsychology also shows that effective multi-tasking is a myth, whatever our gender. Selective listening is when we're only tuning in to a few key words or phrases - 'shortfall', 'overspend', 'delay'. We risk prolonging the conversation unnecessarily, as the other person fears that we haven't taken on board what he or she is saying.


Active listening is when you listen to the detail of what's being expressed, giving occasional eye contact and noises of encouragement, without intervention. It's appropriate for many situations where the communication is of a factual, transactional nature. But sometimes hearing the factual details is not enough. We need to really understand what's going on for our boss, our colleague, or our partner. We need to give them an opportunity to articulate their deepest feelings and for this we have to develop our empathetic listening skills. 

Pay deep attention to what's being said and to tone and body language. Don't interrupt, allow silences and ask non-judgemental, open questions to elicit unexpressed feelings.

Don't try to come up with solutions, but when you believe you have understood what's going on you can offer a tentative summary which, having built up their trust, the other person will feel able to agree with or correct. This will lead to deeper understanding and more appropriate action, if action is called for.

If you can master this core skill, one that is shared by world-class leaders, you will be on the road to success, at work and elsewhere in life.

Listening well is a two-way street, and to be effective communicators, we must all listen well to each other. One-way listening can be equated to driving down a one-way street the wrong way. It's dangerous, it can get you into trouble and it can be expensive, as illustrated in the following example.

Sam, a dispatcher for a national moving company in Philadelphia, gave Mike, a new driver, an assignment to go to Portsmouth to make a household goods delivery. When Mike arrived in Portsmouth, he called Sam for further instructions. As Sam gave Mike the necessary information, Mike got a strange feeling that something wasn't quite right. 

Mike asked Sam for the complete address, which was Maple Street in Portsmouth, Virginia. Well, Mike was in Portsmouth, but it was Portsmouth, Rhode Island. Mike was ten hours away from where he was supposed to be. He had traveled north in the wrong direction. Not only did this cost the company time and money, but also the owner of the goods was not pleased. What caused this expensive mistake? Ineffective listening by both parties. In his haste, Mike didn't listen to all the information that Sam gave him, and Sam neglected to get accurate acknowledgment from Mike stating that he understood the instructions.

Listening well is a skill that requires practice. 

• Someone who listens well easily establishes rapport with others. 
• Good listeners attract others because they focus on the speaker completely. 
• They have a positive energy that makes you want to be in their company. 
• They are effective in their jobs because, by listening and asking the appropriate questions, they know exactly what needs to be done and how to do it.
• To be effective when interacting over the telephone, hone your verbal skills and focus completely on what the speaker is saying. 
• Listen closely to your intuition. The best example of this is to observe how blind people communicate. Since they do not have the gift of sight, they focus on their other gifts and develop them. Their hearing is acute, and they can read people by focusing on a person's voice attitude and the words that the person uses. Those of us whose work depends on the telephone should do the same. 

Good Listening Skills
A good listener, both on the telephone and in person, will:

• Always be prepared to take notes when necessary. That means having writing tools readily available.
• Repeat the information he or she heard by saying, "I hear you saying ... Is that correct?" If the speaker does not agree, repeat the process to ensure understanding.
• Remain curious and ask questions to determine if he or she is accurately understanding the speaker.
• Want to listen to the information being delivered.
• Be physically and mentally present in the moment.
• Listen by using the ears to hear the message, the eyes to read body language (when listening in person), the mind to visualize the person speaking (when on the telephone), and intuition to determine what the speaker is actually saying.
• Establish rapport by following the leader. 
• Match the momentum, tone of voice, body language, and words used by the speaker. Please use common sense when matching. If the speaker is yelling, don't do the same because it will make a bad situation worse.

Poor Listening Skills
A poor listener, both on the telephone and in person:

• May be abrupt and/or give one-word answers such as no, yes, and maybe.
• Will be easily distracted. 
• In person, the listener may look around the room as opposed to focusing on the speaker's face. 
• Over the telephone, the listener may be opening mail, reading e-mail, filing, playing with hair, a pencil or a tie — anything that preempts focusing on the caller.
• Constantly interrupts, making the speaker feel that what he or she has to say is not important. 
• The listener finishes the other person's sentences, implying that the listener already knows what the speaker is about to say.
• Changes the subject without even realizing it.
• Looks at his watch, signaling that you are wasting his time.

Remember that effective listening can open many doors. If you listen with your eyes, your ears and your mind, you will always get the information you need.

Culled and edited. Images: Google