Spousal Abuse And The Church by Oluwole Leigh
The author of this piece gives his perspective on Spousal Abuse, and the response of the church to it. You may find it a little 'comic', but, pay attention to the truths contained in it.
"#beginningofSundayRant
WARNING: Contains a lot of Generalizations
I've been dwelling on this topic for a while but finally decided to put out my thoughts. I have studied church systems for most of my life and have come to a couple of conclusions. Not much has changed over the years and I'm not sure much more will change.
If a woman is caught up in a marital situation that involves physical assault/ violence, the "church/ Pastor" can do little or nothing to save her.
The Lady is being assaulted by the husband and runs to church for counsel. More often than not, she has tried other options such as family involvement to no avail. The Church is supposed to be the last resort. After all, her hubby is a "good Christian" and their Pastor is an expert on marriage issues.
She goes into his office and starts wailing while narrating her marital woes. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize that she is about to face up to a hidden system. The system is built on a foundation of patriarchy and is nurtured by a deluge of retrogressive ideas. The system can be broken down into the following parts:
1. THE DEVIL USES WOMEN EASILY
The woman is asked to embark on a series of fasts to chase away the hand of the enemy from her home. She is asked to buy prayer booklets or marriage tapes. She is asked to sow an unusual seed that will cause the devil to flee from her home. The belief is that there is something she is doing/ not doing to attract the beating.
2. PASTOR SAYS is not PASTOR DOES
Pastor Lagbaja is an expert of topics such as “Manhood and Responsibility”. However, you would soon realize that Pastor Lagbaja’s words on stage are meant for stage. There is a difference between stage performances and real life. Pastor resumes on Sundays while Lagbaja is around during the week.
3. THE MAN CODE
There is something called a Man Code. Men are not supposed to diss each other in front of the fairer sex. Unfortunately, Pastor Lagbaja is in on the code without knowing it. He will NOT condemn your hubby's actions.
4. DILEMMA
Pastor realizes that if he treats your husband harshly or "speaks the truth" to him, he will probably leave the church. Experience has shown that such hubbies would take their families to another church after such encounters with the Pastor.
5. IT IS WELL
This statement embodies and defines the Pastor's inability to help the lady suffering from Spousal Abuse. The lady is expected to take solace in this hope that things will magically change for the better.
6. YOU ARE NOT ALONE
There are many cases of Spousal violence that are brought to the Pastor. You are actually just one of them. Even though you feel your world is collapsing, the case will be treated as the others. The formulas that were applied previously would be re-applied.
7. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT TO DO
The truth is that people claim that all answers can be found in organized religion. This may not always be the truth. The Pastor can't really help you. All he can do is "pray with" you. The system does not allow him to tell you this fact. He is not allowed to tell you to pack your bags and leave. He can't tell you to continue suffering. The truth is that he doesn't know.
MY OPINION
Men only respond to force. If a Woman brings a report of violence, the first way the Pastor should respond should be through "Igbaju". Newton's first Law of Motion must be brought to bear. Call the man and beat the devil out of him. Have your assistant Pastors join in the beating. By the time you are done, pour Anointing Oil on his wounds and set him on his way.
#endofSundayRant"
"#beginningofSundayRant
WARNING: Contains a lot of Generalizations
I've been dwelling on this topic for a while but finally decided to put out my thoughts. I have studied church systems for most of my life and have come to a couple of conclusions. Not much has changed over the years and I'm not sure much more will change.
If a woman is caught up in a marital situation that involves physical assault/ violence, the "church/ Pastor" can do little or nothing to save her.
The Lady is being assaulted by the husband and runs to church for counsel. More often than not, she has tried other options such as family involvement to no avail. The Church is supposed to be the last resort. After all, her hubby is a "good Christian" and their Pastor is an expert on marriage issues.
She goes into his office and starts wailing while narrating her marital woes. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize that she is about to face up to a hidden system. The system is built on a foundation of patriarchy and is nurtured by a deluge of retrogressive ideas. The system can be broken down into the following parts:
1. THE DEVIL USES WOMEN EASILY
The woman is asked to embark on a series of fasts to chase away the hand of the enemy from her home. She is asked to buy prayer booklets or marriage tapes. She is asked to sow an unusual seed that will cause the devil to flee from her home. The belief is that there is something she is doing/ not doing to attract the beating.
2. PASTOR SAYS is not PASTOR DOES
Pastor Lagbaja is an expert of topics such as “Manhood and Responsibility”. However, you would soon realize that Pastor Lagbaja’s words on stage are meant for stage. There is a difference between stage performances and real life. Pastor resumes on Sundays while Lagbaja is around during the week.
3. THE MAN CODE
There is something called a Man Code. Men are not supposed to diss each other in front of the fairer sex. Unfortunately, Pastor Lagbaja is in on the code without knowing it. He will NOT condemn your hubby's actions.
4. DILEMMA
Pastor realizes that if he treats your husband harshly or "speaks the truth" to him, he will probably leave the church. Experience has shown that such hubbies would take their families to another church after such encounters with the Pastor.
5. IT IS WELL
This statement embodies and defines the Pastor's inability to help the lady suffering from Spousal Abuse. The lady is expected to take solace in this hope that things will magically change for the better.
6. YOU ARE NOT ALONE
There are many cases of Spousal violence that are brought to the Pastor. You are actually just one of them. Even though you feel your world is collapsing, the case will be treated as the others. The formulas that were applied previously would be re-applied.
7. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT TO DO
The truth is that people claim that all answers can be found in organized religion. This may not always be the truth. The Pastor can't really help you. All he can do is "pray with" you. The system does not allow him to tell you this fact. He is not allowed to tell you to pack your bags and leave. He can't tell you to continue suffering. The truth is that he doesn't know.
MY OPINION
Men only respond to force. If a Woman brings a report of violence, the first way the Pastor should respond should be through "Igbaju". Newton's first Law of Motion must be brought to bear. Call the man and beat the devil out of him. Have your assistant Pastors join in the beating. By the time you are done, pour Anointing Oil on his wounds and set him on his way.
#endofSundayRant"
Used with permission of the author.
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