Musing; Take Off That Mask!
We're neighbours, yes. But do you really know who I am? We're friends, true. But am I open completely to you? We're siblings, fact. But does that mean you know me?
There are many assumptions we make based on the type of relationship we keep with people, that are very wrong or warped.
Quite a number of people walk through life with a mask glued to their faces. It is these masks we see and in actual fact, have a relationship with. We're so afraid to be ourselves, to be sincere with the people we claim to have an intimate relationship with - family, siblings, close friends. Hardly are we vulnerable anymore. What are we so afraid of? Commitment? Discovery? The truth? What?
I've seen and witnessed relationships that could have been great, break down because of masks. How convenient is it going through life with the burden of living multiple lives? Having to be several identities in different situations?
Now, I'm not saying people should live their lives devoid of any privacy at all. But there should be one person at least that knows you deeply and knows you starkly, someone you can "unload" on. We all need to be able to exhale at some point or the other.
Many of the issues we have, the world over, these days, stem from pretense and living a fake life. Who are we really trying so hard to impress? I heard something said sometime ago - "you spend money you don't on what you don't need to impress people you don't know or who don't care about you." That statement stuck with me.
Several times, I hear things like "that's what the society dictates" or, "our society does not support it". I bet you have said one of those lines at least once in your lifetime. What I ask when I hear this said is, who is the society? Is the society not made up of you and me? So, you're trying to keep to a rule, to impress me, who does not give a hoot about that rule? How sensible does that sound?
It's time we got bold! It's time we start defining what works for us or doesn't, and not keep running in the wheel, the same wheel generations past ran and never got anywhere with it.
Why should the burden of marriage be placed on anyone? You keep asking a lady when she would get married, citing age as a reason for your 'concern'. Have you stopped to ask yourself how you would feel in that position? Is marriage the key to her fulfilling life? In the African setting especially, a woman is expected to pop out a baby within the first nine, maximum, ten months of marriage. Failure to please the "society", and she gets bombarded with questions and innuendoes. Can't a man and his wife decide to enjoy their young life together for some time before bringing in children? Or, a young graduate being asked when he would start work after spending so much time in school. I doubt the fellow went through school, studying, sweating and putting in all that effort to become a laughing stock and the recipient of various questions.
For the person(s) asking the question(s), what do you stand to gain from your line of questioning? Do you really, genuinely care? Or are you using that as a yardstick for your own life? Or you just want to feel good about you? Maybe you're just asking to fulfil societal expectations.
Please, take off that mask! Dare to be yourself, to breathe afresh, to live your life with purpose and not for rules that will take you nowhere. You don't have to compliment someone's dressing if you don't think they look nice - keep your mouth shut or talk about something else. You really don't have to ask that question you know?
There are many assumptions we make based on the type of relationship we keep with people, that are very wrong or warped.
Quite a number of people walk through life with a mask glued to their faces. It is these masks we see and in actual fact, have a relationship with. We're so afraid to be ourselves, to be sincere with the people we claim to have an intimate relationship with - family, siblings, close friends. Hardly are we vulnerable anymore. What are we so afraid of? Commitment? Discovery? The truth? What?
I've seen and witnessed relationships that could have been great, break down because of masks. How convenient is it going through life with the burden of living multiple lives? Having to be several identities in different situations?
Now, I'm not saying people should live their lives devoid of any privacy at all. But there should be one person at least that knows you deeply and knows you starkly, someone you can "unload" on. We all need to be able to exhale at some point or the other.
Many of the issues we have, the world over, these days, stem from pretense and living a fake life. Who are we really trying so hard to impress? I heard something said sometime ago - "you spend money you don't on what you don't need to impress people you don't know or who don't care about you." That statement stuck with me.
Several times, I hear things like "that's what the society dictates" or, "our society does not support it". I bet you have said one of those lines at least once in your lifetime. What I ask when I hear this said is, who is the society? Is the society not made up of you and me? So, you're trying to keep to a rule, to impress me, who does not give a hoot about that rule? How sensible does that sound?
It's time we got bold! It's time we start defining what works for us or doesn't, and not keep running in the wheel, the same wheel generations past ran and never got anywhere with it.
Why should the burden of marriage be placed on anyone? You keep asking a lady when she would get married, citing age as a reason for your 'concern'. Have you stopped to ask yourself how you would feel in that position? Is marriage the key to her fulfilling life? In the African setting especially, a woman is expected to pop out a baby within the first nine, maximum, ten months of marriage. Failure to please the "society", and she gets bombarded with questions and innuendoes. Can't a man and his wife decide to enjoy their young life together for some time before bringing in children? Or, a young graduate being asked when he would start work after spending so much time in school. I doubt the fellow went through school, studying, sweating and putting in all that effort to become a laughing stock and the recipient of various questions.
For the person(s) asking the question(s), what do you stand to gain from your line of questioning? Do you really, genuinely care? Or are you using that as a yardstick for your own life? Or you just want to feel good about you? Maybe you're just asking to fulfil societal expectations.
Please, take off that mask! Dare to be yourself, to breathe afresh, to live your life with purpose and not for rules that will take you nowhere. You don't have to compliment someone's dressing if you don't think they look nice - keep your mouth shut or talk about something else. You really don't have to ask that question you know?
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