Abby Speaks; Different. Not Inferior.
A girl-child grows up loved and pampered by everyone around her but with the consciousness of being treated as inferior to her male counterparts by people. A lot is invested in her physically, financially, materially and emotionally by her loved ones and the society at large, in making her a responsible but handicapped Individual.
Handicapped by the double standards imposed on the two sexes, male and female by the patriarchal mentality in everyone that surrounds her.
Though she grows up focused, dedicated and committed to making a success of her life, she is restricted and restrained. Her dreams and individuality is screened and subjected to unfair limitations before it can enjoy the approval of her loved ones and the society. So, though she looks beautiful and accomplished on the outside, an in depth look at her, you'll discover cracks in her foundation. Cracks, that though look small and insignificant, happen to be detrimental to and hazardous to her success and happiness in life.
The girl-child has been failed by the society, by her loved ones, by women in the society, especially her own mother. She grew up seeing women being abused by their men. Sometimes, her mother is a victim, sometimes, it's her aunties, neighbours or even strangers. She sees her mother's attitude of acceptance, defeat, justification of these wrong deeds, and she unconsciously adopts the same stand. In her life, she makes excuses for men that abuse women and allow them to take advantage of her. Though she knows it is wrong to be used and abused, she allows it in her life anyway; having been conditioned to accept abuse from her childhood.
Everything in her cries against being exploited, but she finds herself making choices and decisions that lead to a vicious cycle of abuse and exploitation. Before long, her life becomes a burden, even to her. Her life is full of frustration, dissatisfaction and sorrow. She knows she can't continue living like this. The "girl-child" woman discovers that the root of her problem is in her foundation. She realizes that her problem isn't the external forces she had been blaming for her woes. It dawns on her that she makes most of the important decisions in her life from a defensive stand of desperation.
Desperation out of fear and insecurity. Desperation born out of cultural, traditional and religious beliefs imbibed into her from childhood. Desperation out of fear of falling short of expectations placed on her. Desperation born out of personal insecurities.
Then the goddess in her arose. The warrior in her woke up. The mother nature in her took charge. The woman in her came alive. She realized she had nothing to be defensive about. She need not prove her worth to people, her existence, survival and awakening is doing that already. She finds out she need not be desperate about anything, that desperation puts her in a weakened position and strips her of her power. She discovered that desperation was planted in womanhood by patriarchy and for her to be free from that yoke, she must never be desperate for anything or anyone.
She stopped being desperate, stopped allowing external forces to control her reasoning and actions. She went inward to find herself, to discover who she is, what is right for her and what she needs to do to become. Then, she reclaimed her identify as a worthy being. A phenomenal woman of strength and beauty. An asset to be cherished, a gift to herself and the whole world. Her self-imposed journey of discovery exposes her to the power of her spirituality, to the beauty of being true to herself and the irrelevance of everything else.
Even the blind saw the transformation in her thereafter. The accolades rolled in and respect from people became automatic. When asked for the cause of her transformation, the girl-child that has now become a woman replied: "I stopped following the foot steps of cruel cultural, traditional and religious beliefs. I stopped being a slave to human doctrines and rules that are unjust. I refused to continue being a victim like some women before me that didn't know better. I decided to listen to my inner voice, stay true to my convictions and become who I am born to be - a Free Woman.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
Abiade Olawanle Abiola is a Lawyer with an interest in women’s rights, children’s rights, sexual and gender-based violence and
alternative dispute resolution. She has a high degree of professionalism, dedicated to exceptional quality and also an effective team player with outstanding communication and interpersonal skills. She is a member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria, Institute of Chartered Secretaries and Administrators (ICSA), The Chartered Institute of Arbitrators, Nigeria Branch, member of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA), Oyo State branch and, a member, and the Social Secretary of the Federacion International De Abogadas (FIDA ) known as the International Federation Of Women Lawyers, Oyo State branch. She is the president of Human of Substance Empowerment Initiative.
Handicapped by the double standards imposed on the two sexes, male and female by the patriarchal mentality in everyone that surrounds her.
Though she grows up focused, dedicated and committed to making a success of her life, she is restricted and restrained. Her dreams and individuality is screened and subjected to unfair limitations before it can enjoy the approval of her loved ones and the society. So, though she looks beautiful and accomplished on the outside, an in depth look at her, you'll discover cracks in her foundation. Cracks, that though look small and insignificant, happen to be detrimental to and hazardous to her success and happiness in life.
The girl-child has been failed by the society, by her loved ones, by women in the society, especially her own mother. She grew up seeing women being abused by their men. Sometimes, her mother is a victim, sometimes, it's her aunties, neighbours or even strangers. She sees her mother's attitude of acceptance, defeat, justification of these wrong deeds, and she unconsciously adopts the same stand. In her life, she makes excuses for men that abuse women and allow them to take advantage of her. Though she knows it is wrong to be used and abused, she allows it in her life anyway; having been conditioned to accept abuse from her childhood.
Everything in her cries against being exploited, but she finds herself making choices and decisions that lead to a vicious cycle of abuse and exploitation. Before long, her life becomes a burden, even to her. Her life is full of frustration, dissatisfaction and sorrow. She knows she can't continue living like this. The "girl-child" woman discovers that the root of her problem is in her foundation. She realizes that her problem isn't the external forces she had been blaming for her woes. It dawns on her that she makes most of the important decisions in her life from a defensive stand of desperation.
Desperation out of fear and insecurity. Desperation born out of cultural, traditional and religious beliefs imbibed into her from childhood. Desperation out of fear of falling short of expectations placed on her. Desperation born out of personal insecurities.
Then the goddess in her arose. The warrior in her woke up. The mother nature in her took charge. The woman in her came alive. She realized she had nothing to be defensive about. She need not prove her worth to people, her existence, survival and awakening is doing that already. She finds out she need not be desperate about anything, that desperation puts her in a weakened position and strips her of her power. She discovered that desperation was planted in womanhood by patriarchy and for her to be free from that yoke, she must never be desperate for anything or anyone.
She stopped being desperate, stopped allowing external forces to control her reasoning and actions. She went inward to find herself, to discover who she is, what is right for her and what she needs to do to become. Then, she reclaimed her identify as a worthy being. A phenomenal woman of strength and beauty. An asset to be cherished, a gift to herself and the whole world. Her self-imposed journey of discovery exposes her to the power of her spirituality, to the beauty of being true to herself and the irrelevance of everything else.
Even the blind saw the transformation in her thereafter. The accolades rolled in and respect from people became automatic. When asked for the cause of her transformation, the girl-child that has now become a woman replied: "I stopped following the foot steps of cruel cultural, traditional and religious beliefs. I stopped being a slave to human doctrines and rules that are unjust. I refused to continue being a victim like some women before me that didn't know better. I decided to listen to my inner voice, stay true to my convictions and become who I am born to be - a Free Woman.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
Abiade Olawanle Abiola is a Lawyer with an interest in women’s rights, children’s rights, sexual and gender-based violence and
alternative dispute resolution. She has a high degree of professionalism, dedicated to exceptional quality and also an effective team player with outstanding communication and interpersonal skills. She is a member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria, Institute of Chartered Secretaries and Administrators (ICSA), The Chartered Institute of Arbitrators, Nigeria Branch, member of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA), Oyo State branch and, a member, and the Social Secretary of the Federacion International De Abogadas (FIDA ) known as the International Federation Of Women Lawyers, Oyo State branch. She is the president of Human of Substance Empowerment Initiative.
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