Abby Speaks; A Lifeline?
I'm talking about a controversial topic today -"Divorce".
Divorce is the dissolution of marriage between two people. Divorce is seen as a taboo in most cultures and religion. This is because of the devastating effects it has on the people involved, their families and the society at large. Also it is stated clearly in most, if not all religions that the Creator hates divorce. It is therefore natural to consider divorce to be a bad thing.
However, divorce is the lifeline for some people that find themselves in abusive and toxic relationships. The marriage institution is birth by the commitment and agreement of two parties, to serve and honour one another as long as they both shall live; in trying and prosperous times.
A marriage is a sacred union made up of rights and obligations. What procures and preserves the rights of one partner is his/her obligations to the other partner. Therefore, a partner that habitually, with total disregard for the union, fails to perform his/her obligations loses all entitlements to the rights in the marriage.
For, it is the fulfilment of their obligations to one another that gives legitimacy to their union, without which the union is a mirage. There is a level of expectation on a spouse with regards to his/her treatment of his/her partner. Intentional neglect and violation of such expectation releases the other partner from his/her marital vows.
There are times when situations and circumstances beyond the control of one partner will make him/her unable to fulfil his/her obligation(s) in the relationship. The commitment and agreement between the parties will be tested at such times. If the parties stay true to themselves, their relationship is strengthened and empowered. But, in a situation where both or one of the parties fail to honour his/her agreement and commitment to the union, the marriage becomes dysfunctional and unhealthy.
This happens when one partner abuses the other physically, financially, materially, psychological, economically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. The effects of these abuse is enormous and can only be left to the imagination. Suffice to say that, no one deserves to be condemned to live in hell on earth.
In such instances, when all effort to restore order and sanity fails, and the only hope of survival for the abused partner is separation from the destructive environment of the union, divorce becomes a lifeline. Some people argue that instead of divorce, the parties should just be separated. My personal opinion is that, technically, it's the same thing. The only difference is that under the law, for Judicial Separation, the parties are still deemed as married. Judicial separation is not an option for someone that wishes to remarry and start life afresh but it's good for someone that does not desire to remarry.
The irony of it all is that some people, despite the harm a dysfunctional relationship has on those involved, are not supportive of such victims. I can understand not supporting divorce when the divorced parties got divorced for petty reasons. But when a party divorced his/her partner because of being abused and we judge them for it? That is totally inhuman and cruel. It is interesting the way people lack compassion for victim of abuse when they seek for divorce and yet show fake pity and compassion when the victims stay in the abusive relationship. To me, it's as if they derive a satanic pleasure in seeing fellow human being suffer.
If we cannot empathise with victims of abuse because we have no personal experience of it, or because we lack the courage to address our own experience of abuse, we should not add to the burden of these victims by being judgemental and hostile of their decision to reclaim ownership of their lives by saying NO to abuse and seeking escape through divorce.
Everyone has a right to take decisions best for their lives and remember, we will all be judged by the judgement we dish out to others.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
Abiade Olawanle Abiola is a Lawyer with an interest in women’s rights, children’s rights, sexual and gender-based violence and
alternative dispute resolution. She has a high degree of professionalism, dedicated to exceptional quality and also an effective team player with outstanding communication and interpersonal skills. She is a member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria, Institute of Chartered Secretaries and Administrators (ICSA), The Chartered Institute of Arbitrators, Nigeria Branch, member of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA), Oyo State branch and, a member, and the Social Secretary of the Federacion International De Abogadas (FIDA ) known as the International Federation Of Women Lawyers, Oyo State branch. She is the president of Human of Substance Empowerment Initiative.
Divorce is the dissolution of marriage between two people. Divorce is seen as a taboo in most cultures and religion. This is because of the devastating effects it has on the people involved, their families and the society at large. Also it is stated clearly in most, if not all religions that the Creator hates divorce. It is therefore natural to consider divorce to be a bad thing.
However, divorce is the lifeline for some people that find themselves in abusive and toxic relationships. The marriage institution is birth by the commitment and agreement of two parties, to serve and honour one another as long as they both shall live; in trying and prosperous times.
A marriage is a sacred union made up of rights and obligations. What procures and preserves the rights of one partner is his/her obligations to the other partner. Therefore, a partner that habitually, with total disregard for the union, fails to perform his/her obligations loses all entitlements to the rights in the marriage.
For, it is the fulfilment of their obligations to one another that gives legitimacy to their union, without which the union is a mirage. There is a level of expectation on a spouse with regards to his/her treatment of his/her partner. Intentional neglect and violation of such expectation releases the other partner from his/her marital vows.
There are times when situations and circumstances beyond the control of one partner will make him/her unable to fulfil his/her obligation(s) in the relationship. The commitment and agreement between the parties will be tested at such times. If the parties stay true to themselves, their relationship is strengthened and empowered. But, in a situation where both or one of the parties fail to honour his/her agreement and commitment to the union, the marriage becomes dysfunctional and unhealthy.
This happens when one partner abuses the other physically, financially, materially, psychological, economically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. The effects of these abuse is enormous and can only be left to the imagination. Suffice to say that, no one deserves to be condemned to live in hell on earth.
The irony of it all is that some people, despite the harm a dysfunctional relationship has on those involved, are not supportive of such victims. I can understand not supporting divorce when the divorced parties got divorced for petty reasons. But when a party divorced his/her partner because of being abused and we judge them for it? That is totally inhuman and cruel. It is interesting the way people lack compassion for victim of abuse when they seek for divorce and yet show fake pity and compassion when the victims stay in the abusive relationship. To me, it's as if they derive a satanic pleasure in seeing fellow human being suffer.
If we cannot empathise with victims of abuse because we have no personal experience of it, or because we lack the courage to address our own experience of abuse, we should not add to the burden of these victims by being judgemental and hostile of their decision to reclaim ownership of their lives by saying NO to abuse and seeking escape through divorce.
Everyone has a right to take decisions best for their lives and remember, we will all be judged by the judgement we dish out to others.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
Abiade Olawanle Abiola is a Lawyer with an interest in women’s rights, children’s rights, sexual and gender-based violence and
alternative dispute resolution. She has a high degree of professionalism, dedicated to exceptional quality and also an effective team player with outstanding communication and interpersonal skills. She is a member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria, Institute of Chartered Secretaries and Administrators (ICSA), The Chartered Institute of Arbitrators, Nigeria Branch, member of the Nigerian Bar Association (NBA), Oyo State branch and, a member, and the Social Secretary of the Federacion International De Abogadas (FIDA ) known as the International Federation Of Women Lawyers, Oyo State branch. She is the president of Human of Substance Empowerment Initiative.
Comments
Post a Comment