Break The Chain Series; Another Avoidable Death
Last week social media was awash with the story of the passing of a consultant paediatric surgeon and mother of two, Dr. Hestianna Thomas, allegedly from domestic violence. Her lifeless body was brought to the Casualty Unit of LUTH, by her husband. I do not know the details but there is word that she was beaten to death by her husband. An autopsy has been ordered, and the cops are also doing their beat. Hopefully we will get to know what really happened.
Hestianna is gone. She won't read this post, so this post isn't really about her. It's about us. I have a word for the married. And the unmarried.
If your boyfriend shows signs of violence please run. Even if he hits the table or chair when he is in a rage. See, even if he claps his hands hard when he is angry. Run. My experience is that if he is sufficiently angry he will hit you some day. Of course, same goes for the boys: if your girlfriend is violent please don't stay. Even if the love you feel is the type that makes the head dizzy, and the eyes water. In courtship it is easy to run. In marriage however it's a bit more sticky.
So what should people do if they are victims of violence in marriage? First, speak out. No, not necessarily on Facebook. But tell your siblings or close friends or parents or in-laws. Why? Good question. So that when your spouse finally kills you (God forbid!), someone can give evidence during his trial that he was a rabid lunatic. Hestia probably never told anyone she had a violent man. Second, violent spouses keep beating their partners because secrecy promotes the cycle of violence. Domestic violence is not just beating with a stick. There is marital rape (yes, marital rape), there is also the psychological component of physical violence.
Running away from a violent spouse is not putting asunder what God has joined. It is a call to self-preservation. Marriage is a call to live together, not a call to die for love. Only Jesus had that mandate. It is better to run and be alive than to love to death.
In Hestia's case, the real victims are her two beautiful children who will live with the shame of knowing that daddy killed mummy in a fit of blind rage. If daddy gets convicted they will grow with relatives, perhaps unkind ones who will not protect them from harmful stories about their parents. They may never know the warmth of a happy home again.
Final word
If you beat your wife, you are a weak man. One day you may hit her and knock her out forever. And we will tell your story here. If your husband hits you, be a good girl and run. For your children. For yourself. Marriage is not a call to suffer. Yes I know. Some women also beat up their men. But my question is this. You sef, why did you go and marry a woman that is stronger than you? But you can also run.
Author: Daniel Bott
Hestianna is gone. She won't read this post, so this post isn't really about her. It's about us. I have a word for the married. And the unmarried.
If your boyfriend shows signs of violence please run. Even if he hits the table or chair when he is in a rage. See, even if he claps his hands hard when he is angry. Run. My experience is that if he is sufficiently angry he will hit you some day. Of course, same goes for the boys: if your girlfriend is violent please don't stay. Even if the love you feel is the type that makes the head dizzy, and the eyes water. In courtship it is easy to run. In marriage however it's a bit more sticky.
So what should people do if they are victims of violence in marriage? First, speak out. No, not necessarily on Facebook. But tell your siblings or close friends or parents or in-laws. Why? Good question. So that when your spouse finally kills you (God forbid!), someone can give evidence during his trial that he was a rabid lunatic. Hestia probably never told anyone she had a violent man. Second, violent spouses keep beating their partners because secrecy promotes the cycle of violence. Domestic violence is not just beating with a stick. There is marital rape (yes, marital rape), there is also the psychological component of physical violence.
Running away from a violent spouse is not putting asunder what God has joined. It is a call to self-preservation. Marriage is a call to live together, not a call to die for love. Only Jesus had that mandate. It is better to run and be alive than to love to death.
In Hestia's case, the real victims are her two beautiful children who will live with the shame of knowing that daddy killed mummy in a fit of blind rage. If daddy gets convicted they will grow with relatives, perhaps unkind ones who will not protect them from harmful stories about their parents. They may never know the warmth of a happy home again.
Final word
If you beat your wife, you are a weak man. One day you may hit her and knock her out forever. And we will tell your story here. If your husband hits you, be a good girl and run. For your children. For yourself. Marriage is not a call to suffer. Yes I know. Some women also beat up their men. But my question is this. You sef, why did you go and marry a woman that is stronger than you? But you can also run.
Author: Daniel Bott
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