Musing; Veiled. Unveiled.
She got married at 24. A virgin.
Her expectation was high. She had had many opportunities to have sex, she could have, she didn't. She fears God and would not do anything He has commanded against. She also wanted to give the best gift she could to the special man in her life, on the night he made her his.
Her toes tingled. Her stomach was all fluttery. Her imagination travelled far. She didn't know what she was capable of, but her mind told her she would be great. She would have fun and also give him a mind-blowing experience, for the rest of their lives together.
Their first time was not as she dreamt. He had to get past the barrier. He was considerate, yes. He took it easy with her, gently easing her mind off the unveiling. He succeeded! She was glad. He was surprised. He told her he appreciated the gift. In a loving cuddle, they talked. She didn't remember what they talked about by the end of the day, but she felt fulfilled. And looked forward to the next time, without the inconvenience of the unveiling.
A punch was thrown in her gut! She doubled over. What just hit her? Not after such expectation could this be happening to her. How did they get to the point of going weeks without hay tumbling? She had tried. She tried touching him, he recoiled. His comments on her inviting dressing were degrading. She was told that the way to his heart is his mouth, but her cooking didn't open this door. She tried talking to him. He said all was fine, but sometimes, the power supply was out and he was too hot. Sometimes, it was the weather that was too cold, he needed the comfort of his cover cloth. Sometimes, he got a bad news, that's where his concentration was. Sometimes, he just didn't have a reason.
Gradually, she withdrew. She stopped asking. She would cry, openly and silently. She would toss and turn, unable to sleep. She would burn with desire, but it just was that - burning. At the times his libido peaked, he would turn to her. And it went on like that.
Generally, domestic violence/abuse is perceived in terms of physical violence. He has to give her a black eye. She has to tattoo his skin with her fingernails. Then, it is a clear case of domestic violence/abuse. The scenario above is a case of sexual abuse in marriage. In this case, oddly enough, the man was the "refuser". It is usually the other way round. Sexual deprivation between a couple is a form of abuse. If this is your case, seek help. Talk to a counsellor, talk to a sex therapist and/or a psychiatrist. It does not have to be the end of your marriage. It can be helped. Marital sex is beautiful and solves a whole lot of issues naturally.
Back to where we started, at 40, he gave up the best thing that ever happened to him.
Her expectation was high. She had had many opportunities to have sex, she could have, she didn't. She fears God and would not do anything He has commanded against. She also wanted to give the best gift she could to the special man in her life, on the night he made her his.
Her toes tingled. Her stomach was all fluttery. Her imagination travelled far. She didn't know what she was capable of, but her mind told her she would be great. She would have fun and also give him a mind-blowing experience, for the rest of their lives together.
Their first time was not as she dreamt. He had to get past the barrier. He was considerate, yes. He took it easy with her, gently easing her mind off the unveiling. He succeeded! She was glad. He was surprised. He told her he appreciated the gift. In a loving cuddle, they talked. She didn't remember what they talked about by the end of the day, but she felt fulfilled. And looked forward to the next time, without the inconvenience of the unveiling.
A punch was thrown in her gut! She doubled over. What just hit her? Not after such expectation could this be happening to her. How did they get to the point of going weeks without hay tumbling? She had tried. She tried touching him, he recoiled. His comments on her inviting dressing were degrading. She was told that the way to his heart is his mouth, but her cooking didn't open this door. She tried talking to him. He said all was fine, but sometimes, the power supply was out and he was too hot. Sometimes, it was the weather that was too cold, he needed the comfort of his cover cloth. Sometimes, he got a bad news, that's where his concentration was. Sometimes, he just didn't have a reason.
Gradually, she withdrew. She stopped asking. She would cry, openly and silently. She would toss and turn, unable to sleep. She would burn with desire, but it just was that - burning. At the times his libido peaked, he would turn to her. And it went on like that.
Generally, domestic violence/abuse is perceived in terms of physical violence. He has to give her a black eye. She has to tattoo his skin with her fingernails. Then, it is a clear case of domestic violence/abuse. The scenario above is a case of sexual abuse in marriage. In this case, oddly enough, the man was the "refuser". It is usually the other way round. Sexual deprivation between a couple is a form of abuse. If this is your case, seek help. Talk to a counsellor, talk to a sex therapist and/or a psychiatrist. It does not have to be the end of your marriage. It can be helped. Marital sex is beautiful and solves a whole lot of issues naturally.
Back to where we started, at 40, he gave up the best thing that ever happened to him.
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