Musing; Tears And A Dance
She liked to dance. She was not a public dancer though. In the privacy of her bedroom, she would dance and sweat, expressing herself with abandon.
That was before she met him.
It had been a dream of hers that she and her man would turn their house into a private dance studio. She saw with her mind's eye, all those many years ago, before he became a material entity in her life, she and her man tangoing and tangling in sweet rhythmic dance.
Her head was still on Guy's shoulder. He was gently stroking her hair, smoothing out imaginary loose strands. He had not said anything in the last ten minutes. He did not know what to say. She didn't want him to say anything. She just needed to be held. And Guy held her.
About five minutes later, it dawned on her that the picture they represented would be misinterpreted by those watching. She coughed slightly and rose from Guy's shoulder. Her face was tear stained. Guy cupped it and looked into her soul, he did that once a while, when he needed to really pass a message across to her. She could be stubborn at times. "What do you want to do? Honestly", he asked.
"I don't know. I can't leave him, even though everything in me says I should."
"Why can't you leave? Last I knew, you don't have children between you. There's nothing tying you down."
"True."
"So, why can't you leave?"
"I was not brought up to ever think divorce."
"That's it?" The surprise and shock mix on his face was almost tangible. "Seriously? That's why you can't leave?"
"Yes. Guy, you know how these things work. First, how am I going to tell my parents?"
"Do you think it would be easier on them if you died in this farce of a relationship?"
"No.'
"So?"
"So what?"
"So, what's the logical thing to do? We agree that your parents would rather have you alive."
"It's complicated."
"How so?"
"What will the churchfolk say? People look up to me in church. I'm expected to lay enviable examples."
"Babe, answer this question for me please. Since all these nonsense started, how many of the churchfolk have shared your pain with you?"
She could not respond. The answer to that question was that very minute sitting between them. There was no need responding.
She remembered their traditional wedding. He was all over her. He wouldn't let her go anywhere without him. He seemed to be protecting a treasure. He thanked her parents profusely for releasing such a gift to him. He almost choked on his words. She smiled. They smiled. He smiled, that dimpled smile of his. That smile she completely loved.
"Babe, look, I will not ever make a decision for you in this matter, you need to make your own decision. But whatever you choose to do, know that I will always be here for you. I will always be rooting for you. I will always have your back." Guy said to her.
She turned to face him. The restriction of the car space had impaired free movement and expression between them. "I'm going back to school."
"Okay. That's really abstract though. How does school tie with what's happening in your relationship?"
"I need to get my life back on track. I need to start to live again."
He raised his palm and asked her to raise hers too. Then he slapped his palm into hers in a show of camaraderie. That had always been their way of sealing an agreement. "I'm so proud of you. Deep down, beyond the broken girl I see, is my strong, determined, focussed and super achiever. You go girl! I wish I could take you dancing this very minute." She smiled. He remembered her favourite activity.
"I'm hungry", that was the best response she could give to cover up what was going through her mind.
That was before she met him.
It had been a dream of hers that she and her man would turn their house into a private dance studio. She saw with her mind's eye, all those many years ago, before he became a material entity in her life, she and her man tangoing and tangling in sweet rhythmic dance.
Her head was still on Guy's shoulder. He was gently stroking her hair, smoothing out imaginary loose strands. He had not said anything in the last ten minutes. He did not know what to say. She didn't want him to say anything. She just needed to be held. And Guy held her.
About five minutes later, it dawned on her that the picture they represented would be misinterpreted by those watching. She coughed slightly and rose from Guy's shoulder. Her face was tear stained. Guy cupped it and looked into her soul, he did that once a while, when he needed to really pass a message across to her. She could be stubborn at times. "What do you want to do? Honestly", he asked.
"I don't know. I can't leave him, even though everything in me says I should."
"Why can't you leave? Last I knew, you don't have children between you. There's nothing tying you down."
"True."
"So, why can't you leave?"
"I was not brought up to ever think divorce."
"That's it?" The surprise and shock mix on his face was almost tangible. "Seriously? That's why you can't leave?"
"Yes. Guy, you know how these things work. First, how am I going to tell my parents?"
"Do you think it would be easier on them if you died in this farce of a relationship?"
"No.'
"So?"
"So what?"
"So, what's the logical thing to do? We agree that your parents would rather have you alive."
"It's complicated."
"How so?"
"What will the churchfolk say? People look up to me in church. I'm expected to lay enviable examples."
"Babe, answer this question for me please. Since all these nonsense started, how many of the churchfolk have shared your pain with you?"
She could not respond. The answer to that question was that very minute sitting between them. There was no need responding.
She remembered their traditional wedding. He was all over her. He wouldn't let her go anywhere without him. He seemed to be protecting a treasure. He thanked her parents profusely for releasing such a gift to him. He almost choked on his words. She smiled. They smiled. He smiled, that dimpled smile of his. That smile she completely loved.
"Babe, look, I will not ever make a decision for you in this matter, you need to make your own decision. But whatever you choose to do, know that I will always be here for you. I will always be rooting for you. I will always have your back." Guy said to her.
She turned to face him. The restriction of the car space had impaired free movement and expression between them. "I'm going back to school."
"Okay. That's really abstract though. How does school tie with what's happening in your relationship?"
"I need to get my life back on track. I need to start to live again."
He raised his palm and asked her to raise hers too. Then he slapped his palm into hers in a show of camaraderie. That had always been their way of sealing an agreement. "I'm so proud of you. Deep down, beyond the broken girl I see, is my strong, determined, focussed and super achiever. You go girl! I wish I could take you dancing this very minute." She smiled. He remembered her favourite activity.
"I'm hungry", that was the best response she could give to cover up what was going through her mind.
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