Musing; This Guy Sef
She smiled
She sent Guy a simple “hey”. This was a particularly low day for her. Everything just felt wrong. She wanted to talk to someone. But who?
Hers was a society that was strongly private. No, make that secretive. How many grandchildren know what their grandparents died from? How many members of a family know the health history of their families? Not to talk of outsiders.
She remembered once, at the hospital, the doctor asked if there was a history of high blood pressure in her family. She managed an answer that day, and began ruminating on sundry matters.
Now, who would she talk to? Who could she talk to? Will she not be breaking the secrecy code? Her heart felt like it weighed a 100 kilograms. It weighed her down from within. He had made a yo-yo of her allowance. She generally didn’t have, than she had. She wanted to work, but she couldn’t seem to find any job, try as hard as she did.
Guy responded. “Babe! How are you today?”
Her first impulse was to tell the truth. Tell him she felt like she was under the mass of rocks at the seat of government. Tell him her hands felt weak and feeble from holding on. Tell him she wanted the dam holding her tears back, flung open. Tell him she wanted to prove her worth. Tell him she wanted genuine intimacy, not the type he was having with her, leaving her feeling used. Tell him her head felt like it would explode. Tell him she felt on edge of a deep, a very deep cliff.
Instead she said “I’m good” and attached a smiley to that. She felt like a fraud. She felt like a caged animal. Was she not enabling him? Encouraging him to mistreat her? She didn’t know. She didn’t know anything anymore. She suddenly felt weak. She wanted to sleep.
It was their wedding day. He seemed to have been in a great hurry to marry her. He could not hide his eagerness to have her for himself alone. If he had his way, the day he met her, he would have married her. His eagerness encouraged her. He was committed to her and he showed it. The service seemed to drag on forever. He wanted it to be over with already.
She had to pick up some things after the ceremony. Her goodbye to all she had always known, all that had been familiar. Desiring a little time to reminisce, she sat on the bed and looked around. There by the door, he stood. He said he could not let her out of his sight. She smiled. He really did love her.
The continuous pings of her phone brought her back to the present. It was mildly irritating. She silenced the phone before reading the messages. Guy told her he was coming to her town from his and would like to see her. Her tummy leapt. She was happy. Finally, she would have a break from the gloom over hanging her. She smiled. She has always been one to smile and laugh heartily. She was known for it. Recently, she had caught herself frowning and clenching more than she smiled. She had loved displaying her dimples. She loved the way it changed her features. On two occasions, people that didn’t know her had encouraged her to smile, recently. That was not her. She was not recognizing herself anymore.
“When are you coming?” she replied.
“I’ll be in town on the first flight. Then proceed to the office for a meeting.”
“Summary please” another smiley.
“You haven’t changed one bit. I thought marriage would have changed you. Chai!”
“You have no idea how much I’ve changed”. She knew he would never be able to unravel how much she meant that till she saw him.
Wait!
She would see him. He had always been able to read her like a book. The moment he set eyes on her, he would know.
“I’m thinking I could come over to yours. I need to meet your husband. He took my girlfriend away”. He inserted an angry face smiley. She sent him a number of laugh smileys.
“You were slow now”.
“I needed to hammer first. You didn’t wait for me”.
“You’re not serious o. Did you ask me to wait for you?”
“Babe,” he liked calling her that. She liked him calling her that. She smiled at the screen. “I was slow. I admit. But I value this friendship more than regretting what could have been. Thank you so much for those times back then. Your advice has stayed with me till today. I take some decisions, asking myself what you would do. You’re one friend I can’t afford to lose”.
The wetness on her hand alerted her to the tears dropping down on her screen and flowing onto her palm. Those were words she would have appreciated hearing from him.
She sent Guy a simple “hey”. This was a particularly low day for her. Everything just felt wrong. She wanted to talk to someone. But who?
Hers was a society that was strongly private. No, make that secretive. How many grandchildren know what their grandparents died from? How many members of a family know the health history of their families? Not to talk of outsiders.
She remembered once, at the hospital, the doctor asked if there was a history of high blood pressure in her family. She managed an answer that day, and began ruminating on sundry matters.
Now, who would she talk to? Who could she talk to? Will she not be breaking the secrecy code? Her heart felt like it weighed a 100 kilograms. It weighed her down from within. He had made a yo-yo of her allowance. She generally didn’t have, than she had. She wanted to work, but she couldn’t seem to find any job, try as hard as she did.
Guy responded. “Babe! How are you today?”
Her first impulse was to tell the truth. Tell him she felt like she was under the mass of rocks at the seat of government. Tell him her hands felt weak and feeble from holding on. Tell him she wanted the dam holding her tears back, flung open. Tell him she wanted to prove her worth. Tell him she wanted genuine intimacy, not the type he was having with her, leaving her feeling used. Tell him her head felt like it would explode. Tell him she felt on edge of a deep, a very deep cliff.
Instead she said “I’m good” and attached a smiley to that. She felt like a fraud. She felt like a caged animal. Was she not enabling him? Encouraging him to mistreat her? She didn’t know. She didn’t know anything anymore. She suddenly felt weak. She wanted to sleep.
It was their wedding day. He seemed to have been in a great hurry to marry her. He could not hide his eagerness to have her for himself alone. If he had his way, the day he met her, he would have married her. His eagerness encouraged her. He was committed to her and he showed it. The service seemed to drag on forever. He wanted it to be over with already.
She had to pick up some things after the ceremony. Her goodbye to all she had always known, all that had been familiar. Desiring a little time to reminisce, she sat on the bed and looked around. There by the door, he stood. He said he could not let her out of his sight. She smiled. He really did love her.
The continuous pings of her phone brought her back to the present. It was mildly irritating. She silenced the phone before reading the messages. Guy told her he was coming to her town from his and would like to see her. Her tummy leapt. She was happy. Finally, she would have a break from the gloom over hanging her. She smiled. She has always been one to smile and laugh heartily. She was known for it. Recently, she had caught herself frowning and clenching more than she smiled. She had loved displaying her dimples. She loved the way it changed her features. On two occasions, people that didn’t know her had encouraged her to smile, recently. That was not her. She was not recognizing herself anymore.
“When are you coming?” she replied.
“I’ll be in town on the first flight. Then proceed to the office for a meeting.”
“Summary please” another smiley.
“You haven’t changed one bit. I thought marriage would have changed you. Chai!”
“You have no idea how much I’ve changed”. She knew he would never be able to unravel how much she meant that till she saw him.
Wait!
She would see him. He had always been able to read her like a book. The moment he set eyes on her, he would know.
“I’m thinking I could come over to yours. I need to meet your husband. He took my girlfriend away”. He inserted an angry face smiley. She sent him a number of laugh smileys.
“You were slow now”.
“I needed to hammer first. You didn’t wait for me”.
“You’re not serious o. Did you ask me to wait for you?”
“Babe,” he liked calling her that. She liked him calling her that. She smiled at the screen. “I was slow. I admit. But I value this friendship more than regretting what could have been. Thank you so much for those times back then. Your advice has stayed with me till today. I take some decisions, asking myself what you would do. You’re one friend I can’t afford to lose”.
The wetness on her hand alerted her to the tears dropping down on her screen and flowing onto her palm. Those were words she would have appreciated hearing from him.
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